I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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