you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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