Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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