But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
