Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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