Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
