i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
