I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
