it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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