the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
