The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
