yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
