if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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