If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
