is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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