oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
sex in a hospital.. check
Randomize
