It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
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Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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