They should really pass out barf bags in church
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize