life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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