you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Come on in and take your pants off
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