um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
