i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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