im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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