I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
