is your mom at the bar?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i now understand why vodka
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
