Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My boob is missing a layer of skin
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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