you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
