I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
