You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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