i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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