Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
