so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
