maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
