I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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