Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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