physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
We named our party play list daddy issues
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
