im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
