Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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