The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
