When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
