Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize