i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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