when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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