what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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