are you still at the devil's house?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
