My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
