Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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