she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
