"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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