I'm so fucking centered right now
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
