there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
