i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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