Too much gin, very little bucket
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
