i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
