No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
