Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
