Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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