Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
