Three words: puerto rican gang bang
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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