the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
