i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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