I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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