Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
