My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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