I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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