More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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