I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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