Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
