I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Terrible idea I love it
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
