just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
