you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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