Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
