How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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