Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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