My room smells like vodka and shame
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
