Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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