We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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