i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
