Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
