It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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