guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
