I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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