So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
