my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
