Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
