god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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